Laine's Semi Annual Awards

So ya'll the year is half over...six more months to go. There have been a lot of things that have caught my interest these past few months, and of course I'll use my wit to share them with you. These are Laine's Semi-Annual Awards...

Not-So Token Black

Starr Jones-Reynolds. If you were like me, you read this in the tabloids months ago and weren't surprised when the irritatingly-outspoken Mrs. Jones-Reynolds got booted from The View couch. And she ain't being replaced by a sista...Babwa Wawa ain't no fool!

Trend in Television

Cooking Shows. Not just cooking shows, but reality competition cooking shows, and I'm not talking Iron Chef. I mean Super Double Dare Physical Challenge type of shows. I enjoyed Hell's Kitchen last year, and I watch it religiously this year, but I can't fit The Next Food Network Star and Bravo's Top Chef into my schedule. Plus they don't have the Chef Ransey, the Simon Cowell of the kitchen.

Guilty Pleasure

Yo Mama. MTV and Wilmer Valderamez have teamed up to show America what we ghetto children been doin' all our lives. Crackin'. Snappin'. Cuttin'. Whatever you call it, the shit is funny. My favorite joke - "Yo mama so cross-eyed that yo daddy left her cuz she was seein' somebody on the side!"

Insult of the Year

An absent Beyonce at The Legend's Ball. Did Oprah not invite her, or did she decline the invite. Ashanti's non-singing ass was there, so I know Beyonce should've been. Either way one of them shunned the other.

Word I'm Tryna Understand

Hyphy. What? I just learned how to crunk. Now I gotta learn a new dance and a new word.

Rated G Show (G as in Gay as hell - not that there's anything wrong with that)

So You Think You Can Dance. I was watching this show with my friend, DP, and he brought it to my attention. The is not a heterosexual male being on that show. Way too many screams, turns, curtsies, and pirouettes. There's only two hip-hips dancers, one screams like a bitch, and the other wears tight pants.

What the ...?

What does this mean: Outkast feat. Big Boi? Is that possible?

Sports Moment

Watching World Champion Heat Coach Pat Riley dance to Yung Joc's "It's Goin' Down" during the Heat Parade in Miami.

You Go Girl

Stephanie Wilson. The second Black woman crazy enuff to go into space. Nothing more to say about that.

Best Prop

India.Arie's wig. She performs her new track "I Am Not My Hair" wearing this mini dress and this long wig looking like Crazy-In-Love Beyonce. Then once she gets into it she throws the wig off to reveal her bald head. That's hot.

Moment In My City

June Floods. As everyone knows by know I'm from Toledo, Ohio. People from here always find a way to embarrass us. Last year it was Katie Holmes. This year the floods. Why is Toledo crying for FEMA assistance. That's a slap in the face to the Katrina victims if you ask me. Cut the shit Carty!

Shunned By Blacks

The Boondocks. It's been almost a year and I have yet to understand while Black people are so offended by The Boondocks. Its just a cartoon damn! Besides we been laughin' at white folks for years. You do remember The Simpsons and Family Guy and American Dad...shall I go on?

My Favorite People

Rappers. I am impressed. No feuds. No Beefs. Jay-Z signed Nas. Lil' Kim got outta jail early. Good job rappers. Keep up the good work!

Okay onto the music...

Best Dance Track - Female

Getting Some Head - Shawna. I know, I know. This song is raunchy as hell, but when the Deejay spins this, there isn't a woman in her seat.

Best Dance Track - Male

Touch it - Busta Rhymes. Always creative, Busta has brought us another hot one.

Song I Just Don't Like

Deja Vu - Beyonce feat. Jay-Z. Call me a hater if you want. All my real friends know how much I love her. I just don't love all her songs.

Break Up Track

Back Like That - Ghostface Killah feat. Ne-Yo. Why he always gettin' played? Remember 2003's "Never Be The Same Again" feat. Carl Thomas?

Cheater Track

Unfaithful - Rhianna. This is a hot one. If you can compare cheating on your mate to murder, yousa bad one! I don't want no love like that!

Delusional (Stalker) Track

In My Mind - Heather Headley. It's OVER! That's all I gotta say.

Colabo

So What - Field Mobb Twins feat. Ciara. This song is so damn cute. All girls that have to defend their relationship can relate.

Grind In Da Club Track

I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper) - 2 The Remix - T-Pain feat. R. Kelly, Pimp C, Too Short, Twista, and Paul Wall. All I gotta say is I LOVE KELLS!!

Bump N' Grind Mixtape Track

Do What It Do - Jamie Foxx. I haven't heard a mixtape without the song on it. Ray Charles even got it on his mixtape in Heaven! (I'm goin to Hell for sayin' that ain't I?)

Love Song - Female

I'm still In Love - Tyra. Reminds me of being "in love" for the first time, and the second, and the third... I have to sing this everytime I hear it. Don't know shit but the chorus!

Love Song - Male

Yo - Chris Brown. Puppy love is so sweet. Doesn't this remind you of B2K before Omarion got grown and started talking about "O"?

Had To Grow On Me

Impossible - Kanye West & Twista feat. Keshia Cole. Kanye samples. Twista can't be understood. Keshia whines. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen right? At first it was, but this Mission Impossible: 3 theme has grown on me. Plus you gotta give it to Kanye for successfully sampling Perry Como.

And our final music award is (drum roll please):

Music Quote of the Last Six Months

R. Kelly. "I must be the first man to fall in love wit a ass/I wanna get down on one knee and ask that ass to marry me..." Ya'll see why I love kells. He's the only singer that can get away with saying anything...and doing anything...


Well, people, that's all for now. I had fun making fun of celebrities and current events as usual. I hope you enjoyed today's blog. In the words of the great Tyra Banks, "Lata!"