The Science, Baby!

A view of life from a busy mind in a small town.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Chrismaramadanzakuh and the Holiday Tree

Although my Christmas was fantabulous and I got almost everything I wanted, I have to beef about this meshing together of holidays and the political correct gurus that want me to call my beloved Christmas tree a fuckin' Holiday tree. First off, I'm a very traditonal girl, and I'm going to celebrate Christmas, nothing more, nothing less. I once dated a muslim and every year around Christmas, my family would grill me about choosing a belief or a holiday to celebrate cuz I couldn't do Christmas and Ramadan...not that I would try to do both anyway. I much as I was in love with that cat, I could not cross over. I new that I wanted some ham hocks in my greens on Christmas. In my firmest opinion, two people of separate beliefs cannot make it. Someone has to convert. You can fast while that other one of you is eating ham.

Anyway, for these Holiday tree cooks...GET YOUR OWN DAMN TREE AND LEAVE OURS ALONE!!
I don't know much about Hannakuh or Kwanzaa, but if they want a tree...get a tree.

One more thing: I'm not Chef Boyardee, but why does everyone over sage there damn dressing (stuffing)? I know you don't get to use it much, but Christmas isn't a good reason to empty the jar. This is why I choice to eat at home.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Mixtape 102

I wans gonna write about something else today, but I let time get away from me. Now I'm gonna talk about mixtapes. I believe in trilogies, sequels, and prequels...and all that. So my CD Closer has a part deux. It's called Closer II: iwantu. I has the same formula. There's four songs either titled "I Want You," or with that phrase in the chorus. And it's dedicated to my Detroit friend. Once again, I won't name names.

1 I Want You - Erykah Badu
2 Rhythm of Life - Kindred the Family Soul
3 Exclusively - Anthony Hamilton
4 I Want You - Floetry
5 Old Lovas - Dwele
6 Honey Molassess (First edit) - Jill Scott
7 Infatueighties - Musiq
8 Kiss Me On My Neck - Erykah Badu
9 Let Me In - Floetry
10 Together - Dwele
11 He Loves Me - Jill Scott
12 How Does It Feel - D'Angelo
13 In Love With You - Erykah Badu
14 Comes To Light - Jill Scott


In a rush, I forgot to add Angie Stone and Bilal to this CD. Look for them on Closer III, coming soon to a blog near you! Oh yeah, Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Channakuh (I know I misspelled that)! Happy Kwanza!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Ode to Donna

I guarantee every guy that reads this will think it is gay, but women will understand. I miss my bestfriend, Donna. I haven't seen here since my baby shower in baby shower back in March. Back in our early college days we spent a lot of time together. She hipped me on to a lot of music. She helped me with my writing. Before I met her, I didn't even know what size I wore in women's clothes. She's like my sister. I don't have many friends in Toledo, so I don't have much fun. I used to visit Columbus a lot, but a baby changes things. As a tribute to my bestest friend in the world, here are some things about Donna.

First thing she said when we met: "You're boyfriend looks gay."
My nickname for her: Donni or Mica
Food we could eat forever: Salmon
Movies we watched everyday: Belly and The Best Man
Guys I've introduced her to: Craig (thought you were gonna marry him), Dee, Dexter, Chris
What she called her dorm room: The Penthouse
Only rule of The Penthouse: No one talks bad about D'Angelo
Albums she helped me appreciate: Urban Hang Suite, VooDoo, Subject, Mama's Gun
Things we have in common: We hate weave. We love sexy shoes. We're recovering Sims adicts. We write. We can't live without men, candles, or lip gloss. At one point we both had fros (I just had to get a relaxer).
Baby shower gift she bought that I still use: OSU onesie (Well, I try to use it, he can't fit it too well anymore.)
Worst trip we ever took: Block party 2000 ties with Alpha Aqua Cabaret in Xenia
Best trip we ever took: Cincinnati
Guys she's introduced me to: Curtis, Rod, Rue, Ray
Places in Columbus I'm hooked on because of her: Singing Dog, Grinders, On the Border
What I admire about her: Her ambition
Why she's my best friend: She understands how crazy I am, and she still wants to be my friend.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Say Cheese!

(Aren't I cute without make-up?)


I love pictures. I love taking pictures. I make my son take pictures. Everyone in my family loves pictures. So of course we had to take family pictures just in time for Christmas. Take a peek...

Me, my son Evan, and my sister Jasmin


My 8 month old son Evan

My 16 year old sister Jazzy

Evan

More Evan

Evan reppin' OSU

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A Laina Wilson Christmas

Christmas is a lot different for me than other people. I didn't get the element of surprise when I get gifts. When I was 16, my mom went Christmas shopping, came home, and made me wrap all my own gifts. She did it to both of my sisters as well. Since I know what I'm getting, I stopped telling what I wanted. Now that I'm a mothr myself I can't wait for my son to open his gifts and become overjoyed because Mommy Claus granted all his Christmas wishes.

Well, I told my best, Mica, that I was gonna steal her idea. And since I haven't written a wish list in almost ten years, I gonna do that today.

1. Curious by Britney Spears - I only wore body spray before I smelt this. Shar, this is how she stole your husband!

2. Sexy, knee-high, black leather boots - I haven't had any of these since high school. My sister gave me a pair back in September, but they'r two sizes too big.

3. A new cell phone - The phone I have now is tore up from the floor up. Threre's no antenna and it always hangs up on people.


4. Sex - This is something I definitely don't need, but I really want. Apparently the Curious ain't workin' right!

5. Heat - My hoopty rollin'...heat don't work and my son keep naggin'!!

6. Playboy: The Mansion for PS2 - This is Hugh Hefner meets The Sims. I love this game. If I can't get it, Hef will!

I know that I won't get everything on my least. If I can at least get some Curious and some sex, I'll be happy as a lark. Maybe if somebody gets me some Curious, it'll lead to sex. In those words of the great E. Badu "I want somebody to walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck..."

This is some spooky sh--!


People say that everyone had a twin. I figure that I have two twins, my mother and my son. Now I think I've stumbled upon the twin of the late Tookie Williams; my uncle Leon. Just look at 'em.


I know I need some new contacts, but these cats look just alike. Tell me I'm lying...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Gift Card Frenzy


I don't know who came up with the idea for gift cards, but they had to be lazy. Giving someone a gift is is the laziest, most uncreative way to gift give. I mean, if you are doing some long distance gift-giving, then, that's okay. But if I live around the corner, why you wanna give me a gift card? Cuz you lazy!!

Anyway, gift cards are every freakin where. I told my friend Juice the other day, "If anyone gives me an Arch Card, I'm gonna whoop they ass! Fuck it, just buy me the Value Meal. And then there's the Wal-mart Queen Latifah gift card. She's pretty and all, but why would anyone want her on their gift card? For 88 cents you could put your own family picture on there.

They're at the gas station, they're at the mall, they're at the video store. Something's gotta give people. GIMME SOME MONEY!!

For all you gift cardies, here's a list of my favorite places with gift cards.

Family Video
Applebee's
T.G.I.Friday's
Target
Wal*mart

Who's Reality

I been watchin' Reality shows for a while now and it has become must-see tv for me. But what is reality tv, really? I know in my life time I've never been followed around by cameras. I've never been forced to live on an island, or in a house with strangers. I never been forced to eat strange things, or forced to challenge people for my next meal. Who's reality is this?

The first "reality" show was aired in 1973 on PBS titled An American Family. Cameras followed the Louds, a family in the midst of a divorce. The member of the family most remembered was Lance Loud, who the first reality tv star, as well as the first openly gay man to appear on television.

Today we have several, some interesting and some absolutely ridiculous. I'll cover a few.

Challengers

These are the shows that make you do things for something. They can be labeled as game shows, but to me, a game show is like Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune. These are my favorites. I'm gonna break these down into sub-categories.

I Need A Job Shows:
Apprentice, The Ultimate Hustler, Hell's Kitchen, Project Runway, Wickedly Perfect
These all promise you some type of career after the completion.

Do Anything Cuz I'm Broke Shows:
Fear Factor, Survivor, Amazing Race, The Will, The Benefactor, Big Brother
You gotta do a lot of stupid stuff, but if you win, you get a lot of money.

Talent Shows Tier 1:
American Idol, Star Search, Popstars, Last Comic Standing
You get to perform on tv.

Talent Shows Tier 2:
Making the Band, America's Next Top Model, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search
You gotta live on tv.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Athlete Shows:
The Contender, The Next Great Champ, The Ultimate Fighter

Emotional Challengers
These are the shows in which people seek love and affection, psychiatriac help, or whatever it is they're after. These are broken into sub-categories as well.

I Get So Lonely Shows:
The Dating Game, The Bachelor, Average Joe, Blind Date, Joe Millionaire, Next, Room Raiders, Elimidate
People on these shows act a damn fool for some attention.

Dysfunctional Family Shows:
Trading Spouses, WifeSwap, Nanny 911, Super Nanny
Need I say more?

Tear Jerkers:
Extreme Makeover, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Swan, The Biggest Loser, Starting Over
Someone allways cries, and there's always a life changing event occurring.

Tell All Your Business Shows:
Cheaters, The Ultimate Love Test, The Real World
If they don't tell, the camera will.



No Challenge, We're Already Rich

Bored Ass Celebrities Tier I:
Newlyweds, Britney and Kevin: Choatic, Strange Love, Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen & DaveThese are the couples.

Bored Ass Celebrities Tier II:
Surreal Life, Celebrity Fit Club, The Mole, But Can They Sing
These are usually the wash-ups.

Bored Ass Celebrities Tier III:
Run's House, Meet the Barkers, The Osbournes, Being Bobby Brown, Hogan Knows Best, Growing Up GottiThese are the family shows

We can't forget the traditional talk show. Things are so crazy now days, you can't actually tell if they're real situations, but let's pay homage anyway.

Oprah Winfrey, Maury Povich, Tyra Banks, Jerry Springer, Ricky Lake, Phil Donahue, and all the many others that have come over our airways.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Pour Out a Little Liquor

I was going to do this days ago with the shock of the death of the world's best comedian, but I decided to wait to see if I had to add the name of a person that shouldn't even be on this list. These are the names of some of the notable people that have passed in 2005.

Stanley "Tookie" Williams, 51, co-founder of the Crips, Youth activist, author
Richard Pryor, 65, comedian, actor, writer, director
Rosa Parks, 92, civil rights activist
Nipsey Russell, 80, actor, comedian, poet, The Tin Man in The Wiz
August Wilson, 60, playwright, Fences, The Piano Lesson
Pat Morita, 73, actor, best known for his role as Mr. Miyogi in The Karate Kid ("Wax on, wax off.")
Don Adams, 82, actor, best known as Maxwell Smart on Get Smart
Bob Denver, 70, actor, best known for his role as Gilligan on Gilligan's Island
Leo Sternbach, 97, chemist, invented Valium
Peter Jennings, 67, news anchor, ABC News
Ashley Burns, 14, Massachusetts cheerleader
LaToyia Figueroa, 24, Disappearance sparked the "Missing White Women Syndrome" because it was ignored by media focusing on Natalee Holloway
Luther Vandross, 54, song-writer, R&B artist, (This was the real King of R&B, Whitney!)
Anne Bancroft, 73, Oscar-winning actress, best known for role as Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate
Pope John Paul II, 84, 20th century pope of the Roman Catholic Church
William J. Bell, 78, creator of The Young and the Restless and The Bold and the Beautiful
Johnnie Cochran, 67, lawyer
John DeLorean, 80, auto maker (Back to the Future car), also known for being a drug dealer
Arthur Miller, 89, playwright, The Crucible (one of my favorite books)
Ossie Davis, 87, actor
Johnnie Carson, 79, comedian, host of The Tonight Show
Shirley Chisolm, 80, politican, first Black woman to serve in Congress, first woman to run for President
H. David Dalquist, 86, creator of Bundt cake pan
Makgatho Mandela, 54, son of Nelson Mandela
Lamont Bentley, 31, actor, best known as Hakeem on Moesha

Friday, December 09, 2005

F--k P.C.!

I know that in this day in age, it is proper to be politically incorrect. That is just a man-made phrase for "being polite." Well today I choose to say fuck it, cuz I read some shit that was funny as hell and I want to share it with you. My girl Steph emailed this to me. She got it off of somebody's webpage. I wish I knew who so I could give them credit. Anyway, here goes:

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WONT ADMIT
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black kids.
7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N'Sync will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.


10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WONT ADMIT
1. Hickies are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi cant possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.


10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WONT ADMIT
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesnt know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Laina's 20 Questions

I haven't opened a Vibe Magazine in a long time, but my favorite part has always been the 20 questions. Well, today, I'm gonna list my 20 questions; my take on pop culture.

1. Why is Kanye West so damn angry?
2. Were the judges sick of Black girls winning America's Next Top Model?
3. Does Mariah Carey realize that she's 35 years old?
4. Why did 50 Cent win so many Billboard Awards?
5. Is Destiny's Child breaking up because they realize that Michelle Williams is ruining it for everybody?
6. Don't runners-up have so much more fun after American Idol?
7. What the hell is up with The Road Show on BET?
8. Why is it so freakin' cold in Ohio?
9. Why is the group Pretty Ricky called Pretty Ricky?
10. Will people get sick of Jamie Foxx?
11. Is Eminem retiring?
12. Why does Ashanti have a greatest hits album?
13. When is my son gonna say, "Ma Ma?"
14. Why does George Bush hate Black people?
15. Will Dwele ever go on tour?
16. Why did Nick and Jessica really break up?
17. Is Katie Holmes as crazy as Tom Cruise? (She's making Toledo look bad!)
18. Is the world coming to an end?
19. Why do the Nazis keep picking on Toledo?
20. Who will Puffy pick on tonight's finale of Making The Band 3?


I ask myself these questions all the time. Maybe you guys have an answer for me.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Bad "F"in Day


I have had bad days in my life time. There has been the "that time of the month" bad day. There was the "my newborn won't go to sleep" bad day. And the ever so popular "you're getting on my last nerves" bad day. Today isn't one of those days. It started off bad because I planned to get up at 6:45 a.m. and work on my term papers that are due today. I didn't wake up until 8. My son gave me a hard time about getting him dressed. I had to scrape my car off cuz the heat and defrost dont' work. I was late dropping my son off to daycare. Then as soon as I pulled off from the daycare, I caught a stupid flat, the worst I've ever seen in my life. Then when I got out to check the status of the flat, I felt the coldest breeze on my ass. I just knew that I sat in something wet, but what. When I got in the house I realized that my almost new corduroy army fatigue pants that I keep bragging about had split from my back bone to the top of my thigh. I think God is laughing at me real hard, saying "Well, at least your tire was flat so you didn't walk onto campus with your butt out!" My cousin picked me up for class, but I missed my first class, meaning no final exam review for Russian History. Then I go pick up my son from daycare, and one of the providers tells me that she knew my pants had split, but she thought it was a fashion trend, so her ass kept it to herself. I thought old ladies were supposed to be sweet, like grandmothers. On top of that, my mom calls me and tells me that she cancelled our trip to Detroit, knowing that I had been looking forward to it for weeks. (Remember, I have that crush up there...I told ya'll yesterday.) It's still early, so maybe God is done razzin' me the day, I can go on drama free.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Mixtape 101


Some people make mixtapes because they're young, in-love, and can't afford a more expensive gift for their young love. Some make mixtapes because they break-up, and they need to be musically reminded of why they should never fuck with their ex again. Me, I just make them 'cause I'm bored, and some of them because I hope they can come into play when I'm lucky enuff to get lucky. Well, anyway, I'm convinced that I've made one of the best neo-soul mixtapes in the world. This one is a slow 'cause I'm hopin' to get sum real soon. I've been unactive (and not by choice). It included Floetry, Musiq, and my future-baby-daddy, Dwele. Although she's the queen of Neo-Soul, I had to exclude Jill Scott because I have put "Cross My Mind" on way too many mixtapes including my relaxation CD to listen to while I was in labor, and that special CD for after the fact that I call "Long Six Weeks." Anyway, I call this one Closer, for two reasons: There are three songs called "Closer" on there, and I'm tryna get closer to a certain friend North on I-75...but I won't put him out there. Here's my playlist:

1 Mars/Venus Interlude - Koffee Brown
2 Prototype - Andre 3000
3 What Is Love? - Vivian Green
4 Feelings - Floetry
5 Beatuiful Surprise - India.Arie
6 Closer - Slum Village featuring Dwele
7 Closer - Floetry
8 Closer - Goapele
9 One Mo'Gin - D'Angelo
10 Soul Searchin' - Me'Shell Ndegeocello
11 Break You Off - The Roots featuring Musiq
12 Star - Kindred The Family Soul
13 Hello - Floetry
14 Settle For My Love - Musiq (when he was still Soulchild)
15 Qualified - Koffee Brown
16 Orange Moon - Erykah Badu
17 Love - Musiq Soulchild


I love this CD because all but five seconds is used up and for some reason I cannot let an 80 minute CD go without filling it up. This world is so wasteful! Anyway if I'm successful I'll be telling more tales about this mixtape and many others in future posts. I got my fingers crossed!! (Isn't Jill so pretty in this picture?)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Save Tookie


As many people know, Stan "Tookie" Williams is scheduled to be executed on December 13th. For those that don't know, Tookie Williams co-founded the Crips in 1971. He was convicted of four murders 1981 and has been on death row ever since in San Quentin. Tookie has written several books including a series of children's books that teach against gang-banging. He has been nominated for the Nobel Prize every year since 2001, for both Peace and Literature. Jamie Foxx potrayed him in the made for TV movie, Redemption: The Stan Tookie Williams Story, last year.

Many celebrites are rallying for Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to grant Mr. Williams clemency. Among those are Jamie Foxx, Elliott Gould, Danny Glover, Laurence Fishburne, Ted Danson, William Baldwin, Bob Saget, Harry Belafonte, Jessica Simpson, Edward Asner, Russell Crowe, Richard Dreyfuss, Nick Carter, Bianca Jagger; politicians Tom Hayden, Mario Cuomo and Bill Rosendahl; Nobel laureate Desmond Tutu; and the Reverend Jesse Jackson. And we musn't forget Snoop Dogg who I've on CNN, MSNBC, and all over the net campaigning.

I myself don't believe in the death penalty. Life in prison is harsh enough. If he truly committed these murders, he should pay with him freedom, not with his life. This is not an eye for an eye society. Plus there is all his activism that must show how much he has reformed.

I certainly am down for the cause, and if you are, do something. Petition, call Arnold , be active so the forces that be can be reactive.

Governor Schwarzenegger: governor@governor.ca.gov, 916-445-2841, 916-445-4833 (fax)

Thursday, December 01, 2005

World AIDS Day


Today is World AIDS Day, so pin on your red ribbon and support the cause! World AIDS Day was started to raise awareness of the deadly disease and its impact on the entire world. December 1, was chosen in remembrance of the first diagnosed case of AIDS on that date in 1981. World AIDS started in 1988 and has gained attention with its celebrity supporters and themes. This years theme is Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise . This will be the theme until 2010.

I called myself looking up a list of celebrities who have lost their lives to this disease thinking I would see only a few names, maybe 20, so I could list them here. The list is well over a hundred people including Arthur Ashe (Tennis star d. 1993), Emilio Ardolino (filmmaker, Sister Act and Dirty Dancing d. 1993), Michael Jeter (Mr. Noodle on Sesame Street d. 2003), and Makgatho Mandela (son of Nelson Mandela d. 2005). People have to see this list, it shocked me to read some of the names on there.
  • List Of HIV Positive Celebrities And Those That Have Succumb To AIDS


  • There are a hosts of events around the world spreading awareness. In Asia, they're rallying and giving away free condoms. In the UK, Bono has his campaign going on with all his famous friends.
  • Bono's Why Africa Campaign

  • Bush pledged to "save more lives." A giant pink condom was placed on a tower in Buenos Aires to remind everyone that "you cannot lower your guard." The United Nations is holding commemoration at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in New York City, hosted by Rosie Perez.

    AIDS is no joke. I think the emergence of drugs and those silly ass commercials showing happy people with HIV and herpes has tricked everyone. Saving a few extra dollars by leaving the latex at the drug store can lead to "trouble, trouble" (in the words of the great Dolla Bill). Don't just be sticking the teaspoon in the unguarded honey pot, you'll have to worry about more than Winnie the Pooh. Be safe people.